Just the Wind
by Donut Kitty
Summary: This love was a forbidden one…  He could never have her.  She would never want him... and it was these thoughts that made him feel a twinge of loneliness intrude into his heart, a feeling he thought he had banished long ago. Botan x Kurama
1. Chapter 1

Alright!! This is the first fanfic I've bothered posting in all my years of writing. Sad, eh? Seeing as my first one is so meaningless… and I personally think I could have done it better.

Disclaimer: The characters of Yu Yu Hakusho aren't mine; not a single one. They're just my puppets for the time being… But don't worry; I'll make sure their strings aren't tangled when I put them back. And no, I was not on any drugs while writing this story. I'm just insane.

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**Just the Wind**

Perhaps he would never understand what drew him to her. Perhaps it was her eyes, or her pure and innocent visage. Nevertheless, whenever she was near him he couldn't help but feel his heart rate hasten just ever so slightly and his calm, emotionless mask almost slip from his features.

And the worst part about this all was the fear that coupled these good feelings.

He could never tell her how he felt. He was sure she would never like him back. He was a thief, and she was like an angel… Oh, alright. Maybe not an angel… she was actually the deity of death in reality. But for him, she would always seem like an angel. And angels were pure. He was far from that. She took the poor souls that had died to a better place. He has blood on his hands from countless lives, mostly demon, he has taken.

To keep away from his fears, he had always hid. Whenever she would appear with the group, he would hang in the back and remain silent. She never seemed to notice him, and he liked it like that. Or did he? Part of him did… but deep down inside, her blissful ignorance of his presence made him feel like his heart was dropping out of his chest. And for those who are denser than others, that probably doesn't feel too great.

His hiding was soon to be put to an abrupt stop, though, as the human holiday of 'Christmas' rolled around. Of course he was accustomed to their traditions for this holiday; it wasn't as if he learned nothing while living with his human mother for over 15 years. But this year was completely different. The calm pattern of a quiet family dinner then the opening of presents each year would be completely thrown out of whack this time around. That's because… _she _would be here.

Yes, _her._

The one he feared, the one he loved, and the one he hated all at the same time. Quite ironic, right? Well… he thought so too. He didn't know if he could survive one whole week in _her_ presence. He didn't know if he could hold himself back, or manage to still keep that calm look upon his face that kept his emotions dammed up.

He would have to though. This love was a forbidden one… He could never have her. She would never _want_ him. And it was these thoughts that made him feel a twinge of loneliness intrude into his heart, a feeling he thought he had banished long ago.

"Kurama!"

The happy and joyous voice snapped Kurama out of his dramatic 3rd-person thoughts and made him shift his attention over to the source of the noise.

"Kurama!" the voice shouted again, causing the said person to flinch a little.

_Please… PLEASE let it NOT be her… _

But it was. Of course. Where would be the fun if it weren't? 

"Hi Kurama-kun!" the cheerful deity greeted once she had finally ran up to him. Her amethyst eyes were lit up with happiness and her petite arms were hoisting up numerous boxes that contained mysterious things he didn't even want to know about.

Kurama managed his usual kind smile, slowly rising from his seat upon the park bench and causing sheets of snow to fall from his black coat to the ground.

"Hello, Botan. What are you doing out here in weather like this?" he asked. He didn't even notice how stupid of a question that was seeing as _he_ was out here too, freezing his butt off.

"Oh! Well… Since Keiko was kind enough to let me stay with her for this festive human holiday, I thought I'd also participate in their tradition of gift giving!"

Her innocent grin made Kurama forget his anguished thoughts from before and helped him manage a somewhat true smile. He then noticed how the deity was teetering from side to side and quickly grabbed the boxes she was holding, his arms easily lifting and supporting their weight.

He then could have sworn he saw the girl blush… But then again, his cheeks were pretty pink too, probably from the bitter cold wind.

After that he offered to walk her back to Keiko's, since that was where she was heading. She smiled and thanked him before they both set off, Kurama's conscience shouting at him angrily for playing with fire. He knew he couldn't have her, so why did he insist on being with her? Perhaps it's true… that people want most what they can't have.

The walk to Keiko's was probably the most boring thing in Kurama's whole existence. Botan did nothing but shuffle her feet in the snow, and it had to be the first time he had ever heard her NOT talking. Kurama, on the other hand, did nothing but stare intently at the snow-covered sidewalk they treaded upon, almost running into a total of 4 mailboxes and a dog that was taking a piddle on a tree. It was only when he saw the front steps to the Yukamura shop did he realize they were there.

"Well… um… thank you," Botan said with her usual smile.

"You're welcome."

Kurama then handed her the mysterious boxes and let out a small sigh when he could feel the blood in his arms again. What was she getting everyone for Christmas? Rocks?! Well it sure as hell felt like it! Not that he minded… Helping her made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Turning to go, the redhead stopped as he felt a light hand rest on his shoulder. He smiled then turned back around to Botan but… it wasn't Botan who greeted him. It was Yusuke.

"Uhh…. Hi," Kurama greeted, mentally damning himself to hell and beyond for the small pleasure he had felt from the hand on his shoulder. He only felt it because he thought it was Botan… and now it was HIM, the thick-headed leader of their strange team of detectives.

Yusuke grinned and shoved his friend over towards the door to the shop, telling him how warm it was inside and how Kurama should come and join them for some hot coco. Though the idea of drinking the delectable chocolate beverage that he had grown to love was quite appealing, he didn't want to go in. Not while _she _was there. But… eh, who could say 'no' to chocolaty goodness?

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That's the end of this chapter. I kinda left it in a cliffhanger, didn't I? ... Whoops. Oh well, you'll live. Besides, it's not very suspenseful anyways. I actually have the part after that completely typed out, I just needed to NOT make the chapter impossibly long. Please review! I appreciate constructive critisism, suggestions, and requests for what you would like to EVENTUALLY happen (since after this has been typed).  
So please, review and I hope you enjoy my story.  
Shall be updated in the next two days.

Love,  
DONUT KITTY


	2. Chapter 2

Replies to my few reviews (I won't do this ALL the time, but hey… it gives me something to do and shows that I actually do read my reviews!:) --

anime/videogame freak: Will do! Hopefully this one will be a TINY bit better than the other… I added more due to the fact that I won't be able to update in just a few days like I did before.

The Anonymous Authoress: I'm sorry he seems so immature! I just want this story to have some semblance of humor in it, and it's really hard with a stoic and unresponsive Kurama. Besides, he's not really immature… I just like to think of him as normal. Yeah, he may act all calm and stuff on the outside, but no one is perfect. Also, he IS a sly fox. If you watched all of the series, you will realize that he DOES joke a little, he DOES tease, and he seems to thoroughly enjoy it.

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"Uhh…. Hi," Kurama greeted, mentally damning himself to hell and beyond for the small pleasure he had felt from the hand on his shoulder. He only felt it because he thought it was Botan… and now it was HIM, the thick-headed leader of their strange team of detectives.

Yusuke grinned and shoved his friend over towards the door to the shop, telling him how warm it was inside and how Kurama should come and join them for some hot coco. Though the idea of drinking the delectable chocolate beverage that he had grown to love was quite appealing, he didn't want to go in. Not while _she _was there. But… eh, who could say 'no' to chocolaty goodness?

Once successfully pushed inside, Kurama was beckoned over to a table in the corner where Botan and Keiko were currently sitting. He sighed softly and went over, taking a seat next to Botan since Yusuke would obviously want to sit next to Keiko.

"So… Kurama… what have you been up to lately?" Keiko asked simply.

Kurama pondered the question for a bit... What HAD he been up to? Hmm… Well, he stalked Botan some just to keep his foxy thief side content, he did chores for his mother, dealt with accepting a new father and an annoying brother into the family, and then lurked in the local park and scared the shit out of people by glaring at random objects, his mind on how a certain someone was just out of his grasp…

"Oh, nothing at all to be truthful…"

They then all engaged themselves into a huge conversation about a Christmas tree and where to put the thing. Well… all of them except Kurama. He just kind of sat there and nodded politely whenever they looked over at him for his opinion. He was happy silently sipping at his wonderful hot coco while the other three talked about the trivial subject alone.

"So, Kurama, will you do it?" Yusuke's voice snapped Kurama back to attention after awhile.

"What was that again?" he asked while completely confused. Yusuke stared at him like he had suddenly turned purple with yellow polka dots and was doing the Macarena; it wasn't like Kurama to be so… spacey! He was usually the one who kept them all in order!

"I asked if you'd be willing to hang out with Botan on Christmas Eve, seeing as Keiko and I are going together to a mountain to ski."

Kurama didn't even have a chance to think it over since his mouth was suddenly saying, "Sure, I'm doing nothing on that day anyway since my family is visiting my step-father's parents." At least it was the truth! That was why he was stuck being so bored. He still hadn't grown accustomed to the new members of his family and REALLY didn't want to be stuck spending all of Christmas at some strange old couple's house. So he stayed home alone. But… still… he didn't know if he could keep his emotions under lock and key with the deity staying with him for a full day.

Botan smiled happily, her periwinkle ponytail whacking Kurama in the face as she whipped her head to the side to face Keiko and chat about the Christmas tree again, all of them somehow strangely drawn to that subject.

Kurama looked down into his mug of coco, wondering if Yusuke drugged it or something. He was really feeling and acting out of character. One look at the detective's face told him differently, though, since Yusuke was staring at him with just as much disbelief for Kurama's behavior on his face as Kurama felt.

Then… the unthinkable was asked by Keiko. That naïve little human girl… she had no clue what she was really asking from the kitsune.

"Hey, Kurama, could Botan just come over tonight? Christmas Eve is now only the day after tomorrow, and she seems bored just staying inside this place most of the week. And then maybe Yusuke and I could also visit that shrine near the mountain."

Kurama's usual calm stature immediately dropped, though only briefly, as he was caught off guard by such a question. Him… keeping Botan at his house for about 3 days? Just the two of them? Keiko REALLY had no clue just how much she was asking from him. It wasn't just as simple as housing the young deity… He would also then have no place to hide and rebuild his mental wall… the one that kept him from spilling his heart to Botan and getting it broken afterwards.

Yet, nevertheless…

"Sure, Keiko… That sounds fine with me."

Ugh. He was so doomed.

DOOMED.

It had been about an hour since Keiko's bazaar question, and his even more bazaar answer. Now he found himself walking towards his empty home with a light blue pillow of hers in one hand and the grim reaper herself walking beside him, humming Jingle Bells. The walk so far had been a silent one if you considered humming the common tune Jingle Bells over and over again for the last twenty minutes being silent. Why oh why did his house have to be so far from Keiko's place?

To his relief, his home popped into view right after that. Botan's humming ceased immediately and instead he noted that she had taken to trembling nervously. Was spending 3 days alone with him that intimidating?

………… Well, ok, perhaps so… But still! No matter how smart he was said to be, he was still a guy. That fact made him unable to understand Botan's insane change of mood. He didn't comprehend how a girl could get so nervous just by simply seeing the house coming into view.

Unable to keep his mouth shut anymore, he asked, "Are you alright?" His voice cracked as he spoke his concern due to lack of use for the whole walk there.

Botan tilted her head up and looked at him, her eyes showing the same nervousness that wracked the whole rest of her body.

"I'm… I'm just kinda scared," she admitted, displaying the fact once again to Kurama on how different they were. Unlike him, she couldn't hide her emotions. Or, at least, not as far as he knew. "I've never celebrated this holiday before. At least with Keiko I wasn't afraid to ask questions, no matter how stupid they sounded, but now…" She blushed and looked down.

Once again, Kurama swore it was because of the wind.

"Botan, don't worry. You can ask me anything about anything," he gently said back. He had managed to lead her onto the porch as he spoke, fumbling with the cold keys and the frozen lock before finally wrenching the stupid door open.

Botan's face lit up at his words. She stopped shivering and being nervous and instead seemed highly at ease. Damn… Botan's moody behavior was REALLY not going to help Kurama understand her any better.

The two of them then walked into the house without another word. It was evening by then, so the house was dark and eerily quiet inside. Kurama thoughtlessly grabbed onto Botan's hand and led her through the house that he had come to know by heart. He then managed to flick on a light, noticing Botan's red face and saw her eyeing their joined hands. Releasing his grip on her, Kurama smiled and walked over to close the door, his mind once again telling him that her blush was just from the wind coming inside from the open door. It WAS a rather cold wind…

After settling Botan in to the guest room next to Kurama's, they went downstairs and started to scavenge for food. Then… Kurama called Chinese delivery. Though most girls think that Kurama would be some master cook or something, he's not. Nope. Not one bit. Heh heh….

"I can't believe you can't cook!" Botan giggled as they ate their food, lying down on the floor in the living room and watching TV. Kurama raised an inquisitive brow at the humored deity before him.

"And you can?"

"…"

Kurama had to keep from smirking victoriously and instead turned to the television screen. He was never really into watching TV, finding more personal joy in reading, but there was nothing else to do so he thought they might as well. Nothing was on except some Christmas specials and movies along with some strange and completely misplaced horror movie marathon. I mean, who in their right minds would play a horror marathon during the festive seasons? Ah well… they were watching it anyway. It was way better than the other options which they constantly rerun every year.  
And what guy doesn't ever sit in a room watching horror movies with a girl they like and hope they sort of… latch onto them in fear? Not saying that that was what Kurama was doing… We ALL know he is above sly things like that!

…

Grr!

Wroar!

Blood.

And there she goes.

Kurama blinked in surprise, almost choking on a noodle too, as he felt a certain blue-haired girl suddenly fasten herself onto his arm. After safely consuming the noodle, he looked down at her and then up to the screen which was currently showing some random ugly monster that had just popped up. But it was nothing she wasn't use to… right? I mean… she works with Kuwabara and Yusuke for heaven's sake!

"Um… Botan? You ok?" Kurama asked calmly, managing to keep his composure... though just barely. Human hormones were hellish things…

Such thoughts though were all put to a sudden stop as Botan tightened her grip on him. He found this highly peculiar, seeing as the screen now portrayed nothing wrong with it, just some happy people who had survived then the credits. His emerald orbs remained unyieldingly emotionless and calm, but not far beyond their depths a great confusion swam around his muddled mind.

Uncertain of what else to do, he awkwardly raised his arm and draped it over the small girl's back, soon finding himself tightening his grip gently on her. He didn't like her scared, no matter how pointless her fear was.

"Botan, it's alright," he whispered into her ear, finally getting her to snap back to reality.

Botan looked up into his eyes, their faces not too far apart since he had moved closer to whisper to her. Then her cheeks flushed with realization and she quickly released her death grip on his arm. Kurama saw her face and the pink tinge to her cheeks, just like all those times before. He then noted that there was no wind in his house. For that would be quite strange if there were…

_She's… blushing?_ he mentally asked himself. He then tilted his head to the side, thus downwards a little, and tried to get a better view of the face she was trying so desperately to hide.

"Botan… Why are you blushing?" he asked, his voice cool… collected… the complete opposite of all the utterly confused thoughts raging through his head.

"I'm not blushing!"

Jeez… who knew Botan could be so stubborn?

"Yes you are."

Then again, Kurama could be stubborn too… when he wanted to be.

"Am not!" Botan seemed to not realize that she was fighting a losing war. Her whole face by now had been taken over by a rather _cute_ blush.

Kurama chuckled and allowed his arm to slide off of her. He scooted farther away then glued his eyes back to the TV screen while muttering with a suppressed smirk, "Whatever you say, Botan."

The effect was immediate on her. As soon as Kurama had scooted away, she had scooted over towards him, avoiding the take-out food that had long since lain forgotten in their containers. Her arms slowly wrapped around his again in the same position as before and her head lightly rested on his shoulder.

Now it was Kurama's turn to blush.

Oh wait, he wasn't blushing… it was just the wind. In the house… Right? Maybe Jin snuck into his closet again…

There was a large expanse of silence in which Kurama feared that Botan could hear the heavy beating of his heart. He had faced many dangers and horrible things in his life; demons, retarded tournaments held by malicious retarded humans, bed-head when he wakes up in the morning… He had pretty much seen it all, but never had anything made his heart beat so fast with fear and nervousness. Botan, though, could make it happen.

"Kurama…" The gentle voice broke into the silence, shattering it like glass. "I… I wanted to thank you again for letting me stay here for the holidays. I'm sorry to be such a bother."

He blinked in surprise. Bother? _Her?_ How could someone think such a thing?! Well, obviously her… But what would make her so insecure?

"Botan, it's no problem. I enjoy your company… And besides, had you not come to stay with me, I would have spent these holidays alone." He spoke in a smooth and comforting tone, and was very proud of the results. Botan's pale face gathered a pink tinge at her cheeks once more and a sweet smile formed on her delicate lips.

Kurama was expecting her to perhaps say something emotional or whatever, like she usually would in such an occasion. But he never expected to feel the warm softness of her lips brush over his cheek in a feather light motion. He sat there shock still, Botan still on his arm and his skin practically tingling from the contact. He felt his face heat up and knew that this time he could not blame the wind. He was most definitely blushing, more than he ever had before that he could remember.

"B-Botan?"

"GAH I'm so sorry! Please… Um… May I just go to bed now? I'm being stupid tonight," she requested shyly, abruptly releasing his arm and standing. Kurama sighed and nodded, standing too.

"Follow me."

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Will take slightly longer to add to than last time, but there's more to come! Thank you for reading thus far! It's really hard for me to find places to end chapters since ORIGINALLY this was going to be a oneshot... until it died and became to long... but eh, I'll MAKE it work.

Love,  
DONUT KITTY


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